AFTER I PUBLISHED THIS, I NEVER REREAD IT. I JUST ADDED TO THE BOTTOm. I HAVE COMPARTMENTALIZED SO MUCH OF THIS I DONT WANT TO EXPERIENCE THESE THINGS AGAIN.
This is a long two-part blog. It is my journey through my hauntings through my youth and my spiritual awakening.
This was so incredibly difficult to write for many reasons.
The biggest reason is that I know some of you may think I am absolutely crazy, you won’t believe me. The other reason was having to relive the most terrifying spiritual attack I have been through. I know some of you may not believe me and pass this off but that’s okay because if just one person reads this, and needs this, this is for them.
***In my youth countless times I had the sweetest Latina ladies come up to me and tell me things like I need to make sure I am wearing red. Paint my nails red, wear a charm SOMETHING. I had this energy that drew them to me and they felt compelled to tell me I needed that protection from el mal de ojo and/or just from any negative or malevolent energy.
I would go to church and have ladies just touch and pray for me.
Charms of protection were given to me.
It never made sense to me until now.
I just recently talked about it to my cousin when I had the revelation of my spiritual awakening.
I revealed so much to her about what I had known about myself and my fears believing in anything more than life on earth.***
I think it was sometime in January or February I became very aware that I was experiencing my spiritual awakening. I couldn’t get this makeup artist I followed on Instagram out of my head. It was random.
After 2 days I finally remembered her IG name and scrolled on her page but she hadn't posted anything in months. Weird I thought.
But I was drawn again back to her page over and over wondering why was I there.
After the 10th or so time I paid attention to her link in bio, and it was a youtube link. I followed it and there was her 3 part series on her spiritual awakening. I watched the first part with skepticism and holding my breath, thinking maybe this is some kind of cult invitation.
The second video I was watching along thinking “Me too! Yes! WOW!”
I was suddenly aware that we had so many similarities in our story. Because of her testimony, I was crying, SOBBING, calling my husband, and sharing with him what I was feeling.
Her testimony is what I needed to understand what I was going through and why.
A Sensitive Child
I believe I was always a sensitive child.
As a kid, I always remember the feeling of someone watching over me, but the creepy feeling where the hairs just stick up on the back of your neck. Where I ran through empty spaces to find another human to be with. I also never looked into mirrors or other reflective surfaces (glass, windows) at night.
I remember when I watched The Sixth Sense, I took mental notes of what I needed to do to help me cope with the weird things that happened. Most of the time I never told my mom or anyone. It’s actually been incredibly difficult to write about this as an adult.
Growing up my mom would always tell me I would play with a little boy. When we moved I would tell her he moved with us too. It was more than an imaginary friend. I always called him “Johnathan.”
I had a sister who was 18 months younger than me so I wasn’t a lonely child, but I always had Johnathon too.
Weird things always happened around me too, around 4 or 5 my mom came home to us being locked in the closet, the babysitter blessing the house and praying because was she said the chairs were moving across the room. (I don’t remember this by the way.)
But I do remember always being terrified of sleeping alone at night all my life. I had night lights dimly lighting the room well into my teen years and shared my bed with my sister.
I always slept against the wall and never, ever near the edge. Sometimes I slept in my parents’ room on the floor, but out of sight from the mirrored closet doors. I could never stare down the empty hallway or into doorways either.
In my teen years, weird things would happen around the house: stereo turning on blaring, random knocking, things falling. We (as a family) got so used to it we would ask it to stop.
I remember though I never slept alone. My sister would sleep with me and I always had music on at night (Duran Duran’s Greatest hits) to drown out the noises in the room.
The largest and most terrifying moment though was after I graduated high school in 2007.
I started having weird dreams at first. I had my dog sleep with me as animals are more sensitive to spirits and I guess I had here there for protection.
However, my 3lb chihuahua would give me another type of fright. She would stand and growl into the darkness, charge forward, and bark. I felt validated in a way, that I wasn’t just imagining it or I wasn’t crazy, even if that validation came with terror.
Validation all the same, that my dog wasn’t the only one with me.
As time passed by dog began to refuse to sleep with me.
Then I developed night terrors. The kind you’re frozen and awake and can’t move. The kind where you feel like someone is holding you down.
As I adjusted to this new symptom of mine, the night terrors became even more terrifying.
It felt as every time I began to be OKAY or adjust to the spiritual chaos, it evolved.
You know in the scary movies when someone becomes possessed and they get that really deep and demonic voice?
That voice showed up one night.
My scariest haunting came one night, I woke up frozen again. Night terror. I tried to relax, talk myself out of it and focus on slowly moving and waking up. Then heard this laugh. This deep, dark malicious laugh. My heart began to race, it beat so strongly I could feel it in my ears. I began to pray the Lord’s prayer, “Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name..” and an echo of my words was in the air. But Not in my voice. I Said the prayer again….and there was another echo and a laugh. Clear as crystal a voice said, “That won't help you. You’re not leaving.” This growling snarling voice said. I prayed again, and this voice echoed back mockingly. My blood ran cold, and I felt like my heart was going to stop. I fought through the frozen terror and got up to open my door. “You’re not getting out of here.” My doorknob wouldn’t turn and it wasn’t locked. I was fighting, struggling, praying and this demonic voice now had a hold on my only way out of the room to the rest of the house. There was laughter as I was bawling. I kept wrestling with the door to open, and FINALLY, it flung open. Like a bat out of hell (pun intended), I bolted across the house to my sister's room. She was peacefully asleep, I felt like the beating of my heart would wake her. I quickly slid over her mirrored closet doors behind each other and farthest away from view. I squeezed between her and the wall. The house quiet, asleep. Chaos in my world. Trying to breathe and calm down I could hear the wood floors creaking, this slow strong steps. In no rush to get to me. Then a tapping began in her closet mirror. She had a vanity mirror over a desk I forgot about…the tapping continued there. I slid out of her bed and ran to my little brother's room next door. I squeezed between him and the wall. The steps moved to his room, and the tapping on his mirrored continued. I prayed and hid beneath the blankets, prayed, and prayed until I finally fell asleep. I think the fear prompted my body to fall asleep, survival mode. I never told anyone what happened, but I didn’t step a foot back into my room for over a year unless it was the middle of the day and someone was with me. I casually would make it seem like I needed help picking an outfit. It's been 12 years since that happened to me. That experience to this day, (right now) brings me to tears. The haunting that I still vividly remember changed my life. Because of that experience, I stepped away from religion for a long time. I stopped believing in God, I had no faith of any kind. This was my way of coping with the haunting and spiritual warfare I was experiencing. But this wasn't the end. *** As difficult as this was to write about, there is more to this story.
2020 UPDATE Since then my sister, brother, and I have talked. When my parent's old home when up for sale a mere 2 years after someone bought it from my parents, I wondered if it was because of the haunting. My brother went to see the house, some kind of nostalgia. I asked him, "Did you call the demon out?" he said, "no i didn't." Mind you I was just joking. But i never have asked my brother what he experienced growing up. My sister said she went through a lot of things she never talks about. Who really knows what our collective haunting experience was. Blessings Friends.